musings, on art

I have been enjoying flickr a lot lately. If you, dear reader, are on flickr, and I don’t already have you listed as a contact, please post here and tell me! I hardly ever read blogs, but I love to look at pictures and read the little stories there.
I wish I did read actual blogs more. But I have such a hard time sitting in front of the computer for stretches long enough to check up on them all. It feels a bit one-sided, though, wanting readers, but not being one. Selfish.
Enough self-deprecation. that’s not what I came here to talk about! I came here to talk about my latest thoughts, about art. I have been keeping a paper journal, as it is much easier to access than this one at any given moment, all that competition for the one box, you know. also, I can draw in it, ideas and such, as well as copy in favorite patterns, etc.

Watched the film
A Bookshelf on Top of the Sky: 12 Stories About John Zorn
the other day, and while it was not the greatest film IMO, Zorn himself is inspiring. Check it out, if you haven’t already. His music too. (Other musics of the day, Bill Frisell‘s Blues Dream, and my friends brought me a disc of the group Fishtank Ensemble.)

anyway, back to musings… I have spent all these years doing all this work on areas of my life related to emotional maturity, personal accountability (well, still working on that one), honor, you know the qualities that enable me to be a tolerable partner and decent mother. I am getting that stuff ironed out to a level I can live with, and my mind is turning to focus on my artistic life.
Recurring question: what do I want to achieve as an artist? Too big of a question really, but here are some thoughts: push the margins (clich-ay), jolt myself and ultimately others out of the comfort zone, but that sounds sort of painful— more like expand the idea of what is Possible. Create new realities, of course. Entertain.
Up until now, I have mostly done this through costume, and rather inadvertently at that. It requires little discipline. But it thrives on an audience, I seek an audience. I need an audience! I am after all, a dancer first and foremost, and grew up in the carnival that was Isla Vista with all it’s street theater and Borsodi’s Coffeehouse bohemia…
I am such a late bloomer, I am not close to achieving the things listed. maybe I never will! haha! I continue to develop focus, on single projects, on translating vision into something outside of myself. I keep learning skills to aid in that translation process. Also, I am growing a new mindset, releasing ties to worry, and building trust in my calling.
this is all enough right now. even though I am in a tremendously expansive phase, with ideas pouring in so fast I can barely sort through them all, (some fucking Delusions of Grandeur, too, I tell you…)
I am trying to remember the quote, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilites. In the expert’s mind, there few.” and let this life unfold.

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